i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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