Your dad touched me again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
