We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
