i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
