haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
