i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
