I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
