do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
