had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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