What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
