I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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