census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
