just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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