mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
