thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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