Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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