If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
