We're like a lot better than the average bears
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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