the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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