this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
