wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
