At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
