Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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