I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
