dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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