There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
