isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
