he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
