u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am available for nakedness
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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