You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
3pm strippers are depressing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
