I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
