Rock
Scissors
Fuck
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
