i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
