I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
