If i come over, it means nothing
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
