He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
