That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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