I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
