Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
