it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
