I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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