dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
