super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
