i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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