Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
