ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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