The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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