I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
