sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
