He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
